It's pretty messed up when you don't know why you're doing what you're doing.

Or when you know what you're doing is bad, yet you still do it.

I'm not really sure what's going on, and it was really upsetting me earlier.. but now I've just sort of come to terms with it and stopped caring. Guh. I've got problems now, except they're not really problems because I'm not treating them like problems. Instead to me they're just things in me that have changed.. different choices, different feelings, that kind of thing. I'm happier doing it this way then when I was freaking out about it all, I'm just worried about how I'll feel down the road. I can't just ignore what's going on forever.

Luckily one of my major stresses - my midterm exams - will be over come November. Unfortunately the other major stress I'm facing is much less certain. My deep feelings about it haven't changed other than the surface emotions of anger at the start, but now that those are gone I'm just left with a lot of apathy. Apathy is bad, especially for me.

So, all that being said I think that I'm too stubborn to change my approach to this all, and if things continue in this way then the whole thing will become meaningless. Meaninglessness means the end, and that will mean a lot of sadness (or at least it should). Sighs. I don't want the end, and I don't want this either. I just don't want to give in.