I've been waiting for this email for four hours. I have no idea what it will contain, all I know is that it is supposed to "explain it all" so he says. I figure it could go in one of two ways, but have no idea which one it will be. I don't even know which one I want it to be. I actually am unable to sort out how I feel right now, and that's the only reason I'm writing this.. is so I can at least try and then look back and what it was like before what I will read.

I can't deny that a small part of me wants everything to work out with him. I just can't see a clear way for that to happen at this point, and I'm so mad, frustrated, and hurt by everything that a large part of me just wants to move on. Baker means a lot to me sadly, and I do love him, but he hurts me so much and doesn't treat me the way I feel I should be treated. So all these leaves me very torn. There still remains the thoughts of him being the one I want to spend a very long time with, except so much of me is rejecting that because of the pain he has dealt.

If it's "good" news.. it will probably say that he has made mistakes and has found solutions and thus a way for us to work out. That would be the "best" scenario in the sense of us. I quote it because I don't know if that's actually "good" or the "best" for me. If it was though, I suppose we'd make things work and that would be that.

The "worst" case scenario would probably be him admitting to lying to me or something like that.. and that he did in fact use me over the break and etc. Again though, I say "worst" with quotations because if he were to say these "bad" things, it would be no good for us. A large part of me almost wants this option though, because then I can be mad, be hurt, but get over it. I can't get over him while he still loves me. I know that if he does something really really horrible (as in a little worse than what he has done this time) I will be able to stop loving him in time. I don't want to love somebody that hurts me.

So thus is my situation.. Will he hurt me? Should I love him? I don't know anything anymore..